Subject: Do You Suffer from Terminal Uniqueness?

Welcome to Celebrating the Journey!
Monday, November 13, 2000
Issue #41

1. Welcome Notes
2. Do You Suffer from Terminal Uniqueness?
3. Coaching: Unique vs. Terminally Unique
5. Humor: Scientists
6. Reading for the Journey
7. Opportunities

1. Welcome Notes

We’ve had two good snowfalls in the last 3 days, and it is
a winter wonderland outside my office window. One of
our 4 ski areas opened this weekend. Winter truly has

I sat in my hot tub before I went to bed last night, with the
brightness of the full moon lighting up the snow around
me. A peaceful, glorious way to end the day. I highly
recommend it!

The flu put me to bed for the best part of this past week.
There is nothing like being ill to make me grateful for my
friends, my home, my life. Grateful for the simple things
that are truly the most important. The warmth and
comfort of a Friendship blanket given to me by me dear
friend Leelee on my 50th birthday. The comforting weight
of my kitty Annie curled up beside me as I dozed. A boss
whose concern was for my health not for how far behind
my work was becoming.

I felt well and truly awful for 3 days, and it would have
been so easy to get swallowed up in feeling sorry for
myself and in the general yuckiness of it all. The greatest
gift of the week was my ongoing choice to be grateful
rather than angry or consumed with self pity. It has been a
clear demonstration that it is gratitude that creates
happiness and well-being rather than the other way

A bright and crisp welcome to our new subscribers. And
thanks to you who took the time to express your
appreciation for the quotes in last week’s CTJ. I cherish
this community that is created through Celebrating the
Journey. Thank you for being a part of it.

2. Do You Suffer from Terminal Uniqueness?

I’m not like them.
I need to do it my own way.
I’m different.
I’d rather do it myself.
It won’t work for me.

Are any of these familiar to you?

While it is true that living successful and fulfilling lives
often means moving out of the main stream, it is equally
true that distancing ourselves from our fellow humans —
physically, mentally or emotionally — can have a negative
affect on the quality of our lives.

Each of us is a special and unique individual. We are also
each a member of the marvelous community of human
beings, alike in many ways. Too often, we remove
ourselves from this energizing unity of souls because we
are afraid: afraid we will be hurt; afraid we won’t measure
up; afraid we’ll fail; afraid we’ll be viewed as weak.

That fear creates defensiveness, resentment, and
separation, often masked by the labels of independence,
freedom, and autonomy. We end up feeling alone and
unsupported without knowing why. What we perceive as
a strength becomes a barrier to true freedom.

I struggled with a need to be special for a long, long time. I
had to be different; I had to be strong and independent.
Because I felt so insecure about what my strengths truly
were I had to be more than others in some way. What I
came up with was being more able to handle crises. In
order to do that, however, I had to have frequent crises in
my life. Which I did!

In order to prove myself, to show you how I was different
and special, to let you know how strong and independent
I was, I filled my life with events, some real and some
invented, that were hugely self-destructive. I was bound
and determined to be unique. Terminally bound and

Terminal uniqueness is a fatal condition for our souls. It
destroys the possibility of having the life we REALLY
want. It separates us from the energy, support and
community available from the people around us. It is
born of need rather than passion.

I am in no way encouraging you to simply become one of
the masses; to give up the qualities that make you ‘you’. I
AM inviting you to allow those qualities to connect you to
other human beings rather than distance you from them.
To be your authentic Self in the world rather than
protecting yourself from it.

Both our similarities and our differences give us strength.
The trick to having success, freedom and joy in our lives
is to embrace both, in ourselves as well as in others.

3. Coaching: Unique vs. Terminally Unique

So what’s the difference? How do we welcome our
differences without using them as a shield?

There are many synonyms for the word ‘unique’. They
separate themselves into two groups:

Brilliant, fascinating, curious, intriguing, remarkable,
unusual, significant, unexplored, mysterious, exotic.

Alone, solitary, single, lone, odd, separate, unshared,
only, unmatched.

Which is more appealing to you? The first set of words is
the kind of ‘unique’ that connects us to others, attracts
others, invites others to join our journey to a successful
and fulfilling life. The second set separates us from others,
rebuffs them, conveys the message that we can damn well
live our own lives, thank you very much.

The first group derives from the need I wrote of earlier.
The second from a place of authenticity.

Which message do you want to give? How do you want to
live your life? It is your choice.

You can choose brilliant or alone; fascinating or separate;
remarkable or unshared.

The distinction between being unique and being
terminally unique is one of connection vs. separation. It
is, indeed, your choice.


I have been missing the point. The point is not knowing
another person, or learning to love another person. The
point is simply this: how tender can we bear to be? What
good manners can we show as we welcome ourselves and
others into our hearts?
Rebecca Wells in “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya

We take these risks not to escape from life
but to prevent life from escaping us…

If there is no dull and determined effort, there will be no
brilliant achievement.

Having a resentment is like drinking poison and
expecting someone else to die.

Even if we have never done it, the knowledge of how to
live our lives fully lies deep within us.
Anne Wilson Schaef

5. Humor: Scientists

There was a group of scientists, and they were all sitting
around discussing which one of them was going to go to
God and tell Him that they didn’t need Him anymore.
Finally, one of the scientists volunteered and went to go
tell God He was no longer needed.

So the scientist says to God, “God, you know, a bunch of
us have been thinking and I’ve come to tell You that we
really don’t need You anymore. I mean, we’ve been
coming up with great theories and ideas, we’ve cloned
sheep, and we’re on the verge of cloning humans. So as
You can see, we really don’t need You.”

God nods understandingly and says, “I see. Well, no hard
feelings. But before you go let’s have a contest. What d’ya

The scientist says, “Sure I’m all for it. What kind of

God answers, “A man-making contest.”

The scientist, “Sure! No problem.” The scientist bends
down and picks up a handful of dirt and says: “Okay, I’m

And God says, “No, no. You go get your own dirt.”

6. Reading for the Journey

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

I recommend this book for the sheer joy I found in the
extraordinary language with which it is written. The book
is nominally the story of two young twins, Rahel and Esta,
and their family. In actuality it spins a myriad of tales in
language that approaches poetry as nearly as any prose I
have ever read.

An reviewer wrote, “Arundhati Roy
conjures a whoosh of wordplay that rises from the pages
like a brilliant jazz improvisation… The God of Small
Things is written in an English that’s completely new and
invigorated by the Asian Indian influences of culture and

The story dances forward and backwards, often revealing
consequences of events before telling of the events
themselves. It is an enthralling read: one which
exemplifies the magical possibilities of the English
language and the complexities with which it can weave a
tale. Read this book for the sheer joy of it!

Order it for only $12.60 by clicking here:

7. Opportunities

Are you curious about coaching and not sure you want to
jump into it? Here’s a great opportunity!

I am once again offering Coaching Gift Certificates for this
holiday season. The certificates are for one month of
coaching – that’s 4 half hour sessions – at the discounted
rate of $150. They are available through the end of 2000, to
give as gifts or as an introductory new client rate. They
may be used any time during the year 2001.

This is a great way to discover the value that a Life coach
can have for you. Advocate, cheerleader, mirror, someone
to be accountable to, holder of vision — my roles as a
Coach are many. Sound intriguing? Give it a go! Give the
gift of coaching to a friend! Or to yourself!
Email me at to find out
more about this program.

Give yourself the gift of celebrating both your similarities
and your differences this week.

Namaste, Margo

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My purpose in publishing Celebrating the Journey is to
provide you with resources, motivation, inspiration and
energy for YOUR journey of creating success and freedom
in all areas of your life. CTJ will use stories from my life
and others, coaching tips and resources, quotes and
humor to deliver a learning experience that can enhance
your life. I am always looking for comments, ideas and
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Copyright © 2000, all rights reserved, by Margo

I invite you to share Celebrating the Journey with your
mailing list, friends, and associates. We ask only that the
entire e-mail with copyright and credits be included. The
author of this article is Margo Chisholm. You may contact
her at (970) 704-9336 or at

“At every moment of our life we have an
opportunity to choose joy.”
Henri J. M. Nouwen

Margo Chisholm
Coach, Speaker, Author, Therapist
Partnering you in having success,
freedom and joy in all areas of your life
970-704-9336 fax 970-704-9346


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